treats, testimonials, and trust

i can't sleep. the pressure of the impending arrival of my alarm clock, coupled with knowing that i'm losing sweet, precious, glorious sleep is driving me straight loco.

tonight, for the first time, i dipped my yogurt covered pretzels into peanut butter. amazingness. you should try it.

one of the books i'm reading is about my favorite artist, van gogh. there is a lot that i'm learning about him, but most intriguing and challenging, thus far, is that early on in his life, van gogh started to devoutly study and preach the scripture. he became a missionary and had a heart for the poor (that later radiated throughout his work.) he gave up his possessions, ate poorly, and lived in a one room shanty, trying to emulate a lifestyle that would encompass something similar to Christ's. the church later terminated his service because he was too zealous and his drastic actions bordered insanity. i wonder if he was truly insane or he just got what living life was all about: complete and utter surrender of our comfort, of our schedules, of our habits for the sake of bring glory to the LORD of lords and loving others like Christ would.

i'm also going through john with some beautiful ladies. tonight i read 3:30 which states "He must become greater; i must become less". for me, that's a minute by minute battle, trying to shrug off those things which would bring me momentary acclaim, rather than proclaiming the eternal message of LOVE and GRACE of Christ.

i'm wrestling with the concept of trust. i've always been a trusting person. more times than not, i've trusted first, giving the benefit of the doubt. unfortunately, with recently and seemingly, constant mistrust, i find my heart calloused to the concept of complete trust. wondering if it'll only be reserved for a few....or if i'll ever be able to completely trust again.

so much more i want to talk about, but i'll save that for later. hopefully i'm standing on the cusp of sweet, precious, glorious sleep.